Guide to Swiping, Matching, and Messaging

Online dating can be a fun and rewarding way to meet new people, but it can also feel overwhelming—especially for those who are neurodivergent or still developing social skills. Whether you're just starting or have been swiping for a while, understanding how to make a strong impression and communicate effectively can make all the difference.

In this post, we’re going to break things down into manageable steps and use practical, clear strategies that will help you feel more confident navigating dating apps. We’ll walk you through the skills of swiping, matching, messaging, and respecting boundaries, all in simple, easy-to-follow steps.

1. Swiping: Breaking Down What to Look For

Swiping is a big part of using dating apps, and understanding what to look for can make the process a lot easier. Let’s break it down step by step so that you can know exactly what to pay attention to when you’re swiping.

Step 1: Look for a Match in Interests or Hobbies
When you're swiping, focus on the things that stand out to you in the other person's profile. Does their bio mention things you like? Do they have a photo of something you enjoy, like hiking, playing sports, or reading? These are the things that can give you a reason to swipe right.

Example:

• If someone’s profile mentions they love going to the beach, and you also enjoy the beach, this is a shared interest. This is a reason to swipe right—because you have something in common.

Step 2: Focus on Small Details
Pay attention to details in their photos or bio. Are they smiling in a photo? Do they mention they like a specific TV show, book, or type of music? These details can give you a better idea of whether you might be compatible.

Step 3: Don’t Rush
If you find something that resonates with you, swipe right. If you don’t see anything that feels like a good match, it’s okay to swipe left. This doesn’t mean the other person is “bad” or unworthy—it just means that you are looking for someone who aligns with your interests and values.

2. Messaging: Starting the Conversation with Confidence

Now that you’ve matched with someone, it's time to start a conversation. The first message is your opportunity to introduce yourself and get the conversation flowing. Let’s break it down into small, easy-to-understand steps.

Step 1: Start with Something Specific
The best way to start a conversation is by commenting on something specific from their profile. This can be a picture, a detail in their bio, or something interesting they’ve shared. By mentioning something specific, you show that you’ve taken the time to read their profile, which makes the conversation feel more personalized and meaningful.

Example:

• If their profile picture is of them with a dog, instead of just saying “Hey,” try something like, “Your dog is adorable! What’s their name?”

• If they mention they love a particular type of music, you could say, “I see you’re into indie music—any recommendations?”

Why this works:
By choosing a specific detail from their profile to talk about, you’re helping them engage in the conversation without putting pressure on them. They’ll likely be more excited to reply because you’ve given them something interesting to respond to, rather than a simple “Hey.”

Step 2: Use Clear and Direct Questions
When you’re messaging, it’s important to ask open-ended questions. This means asking questions that require more than a “yes” or “no” answer. This helps the conversation continue and gives the other person more space to share.

Example:

• Instead of asking, “Do you like going out?” try asking, “What’s your favorite place to go for a fun night out?” This encourages them to share more about their interests, which helps keep the conversation going.

Step 3: Keep It Short and Simple
Don’t feel like you need to write a long message to make an impact. In fact, keeping it simple and clear makes it easier for the other person to understand and respond. Try to be direct about what you’re asking or saying, and avoid over-explaining yourself. Clear, concise messages are often more effective.

3. Respecting Boundaries and Being Patient

One of the most important parts of online dating is understanding and respecting boundaries—both your own and the other person's. Here’s how you can practice patience and respect in your interactions.

Step 1: Understand That Everyone Has Different Timelines
Not everyone will reply to your message immediately, and that’s okay. Some people may be busy, or they may not check the app regularly. If you don’t get an immediate response, don’t feel discouraged. Just wait a day or two before considering sending another message.

Example:
If you send a message and don’t hear back, wait 1-2 days before sending a follow-up message. If they still don’t respond, it might be best to let it go.

Why this works:
Respecting the other person’s time and space helps create a healthy balance in communication. It shows that you’re considerate and don’t expect immediate replies, which can make the other person feel more comfortable.

Step 2: Don’t Overwhelm with Multiple Messages
If you’ve sent a message and haven’t received a response after a couple of days, avoid sending multiple follow-ups. While it might feel tempting to “check in” or send more messages, this can make the other person feel pressured. Instead, wait for them to reply when they’re ready.

Why this works:
Sending multiple messages can feel overwhelming to the other person and might make them feel uncomfortable. By giving them space, you’re respecting their boundaries and showing patience.

Step 3: Practice Patience
Patience is key. If someone takes longer to reply or doesn't respond at all, it’s important not to take it personally. Keep in mind that not every conversation will lead to a connection, and that’s okay. Focus on moving forward and looking for new connections that feel right for you.

4. Building Confidence and Learning From Your Experiences

Dating apps are a learning process. Sometimes things will go well, and sometimes they won’t, but each experience is a chance to learn and grow. Here’s how you can keep improving as you use dating apps.

Step 1: Celebrate Small Wins
Every time you send a message, get a reply, or even just feel confident swiping, celebrate that as a small win. These are all successes, and they help you build your social skills over time.

Step 2: Learn From Each Interaction
Not every conversation will go perfectly, and that’s okay. If a conversation doesn’t go as expected, think about what you can learn from it. Maybe the first message you sent wasn’t as engaging as you hoped—next time, you can try something different. Being willing to try new things and learn from your experiences is a powerful skill.

Step 3: Be Kind to Yourself
Remember that dating is a journey, not a race. If you don’t connect with someone, or if a conversation doesn’t go as planned, be kind to yourself. Take a break if you need it, and then come back when you’re ready to try again.

Taking It One Step at a Time

Using dating apps is a process that takes time and practice. By breaking down each skill—swiping, messaging, and respecting boundaries—into clear, manageable steps, you can build your confidence and increase your chances of making meaningful connections.

Most importantly, remember to be patient with yourself and others. It’s okay to take things slow and adjust your approach as you go. You’re learning new skills, and that takes time. Whether you’re neurodivergent or just learning how to date, these strategies will help you feel more in control of your experience.

Take it step by step, and enjoy the journey. The right match is out there!

As always,

STAY TRUE, BE YOU

Love,

Jackie, Briana, and Kottati <3